LifeSparc I - Introduction

Since this is the official blog of LifeSparc, I've decided to start talking here about same.  These posts will be building an argument towards a new way of thinking about life and a process towards getting what you want, making sure you still want it, and what to do if you don't know what you want.

These posts will be longer than the HappyWisdom fare, and will likely be edited after I post them as I form the work.

Enjoy!

Introduction 

I will take this opportunity to make a grand generalization about human life in the 21st century.  It is complex.   We all have an amazing litany of things that we have on our plates today, and almost to a fault people I talk to say they’re overwhelmed. This is true of people I know that have traditional notions of wealth, and of those that do not. It seems that no matter where you are on the income ladder, people strive for more. To have a better job, a better car or even a car that works. Maybe you have those things but you'd like bigger versions of them - a bigger house, more kids, a boat or two. Perhaps you simply want happiness; happier wives, husbands, loved ones. Almost wherever you find yourself on Maslow’s hierarchy you find the same folks - wanting more.

Original Version

21st Century Version

There's a few ways to look at accomplishments, and I'm certainly not going to tell you that life is a game you can win.  In the same way that those from the Christian tradition say that heaven doesn't begin when you die, but when you find Christ, during life, that you're supposed to start being or at least seeing glimpses of heaven.

C.S. Lewis puts it as thus:  "At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendors we see..."

Alan Watts told us that life is not a start-finish sort of thing, but a piece of music that we should be singing to the whole time.

But the question of how remains. I wake up in a job that I do not like, or in a house that i do not like.  My life ebbs away.  What am I to do?


You might be expecting at this time the Motivational Coaching Session ( MCS).    Coaches will invoke images of a sports coach such as the legend Vince Lombardi, who would bark at his players, preparing them for battle as if they were soldiers defending their homeland from mortal danger.

This sort of directive coaching is useful in the short term, but for lasting change it is simply awful and yet we pursue it.  We pursue it with every get rich quick scheme, with every fad diet.  Typically it plays out like this. You read Motivational Coach and get your MCS, and you’re pumped up!

No Sugar No Sweets End Of the World Diet
Week One – "Doing great!"
Week Two - "Um...why does my brain feel three sizes smaller?  Am I’m dying?"
Week three – "Its a birthday party ! it would be rude to not have a massive chunk of that cake.   Or two..."


You have failed again.  It might have taken months, or days, but nevertheless your willpower eroded and once again you have failed. You look in the mirror disgusted, put on your sweats and resgin yourself that it just can’t happen for you.
This represents probably most of the profit of the $40B diet industry out there, and they're not really into changing their ways.  Why would they?

What about work?  Americans have had their retirements pushed back and while this is troubling, it also points to the good news that we're generally living longer and able to work in the later years.  We then have more than one career, sometimes two or three major moves are made.

What will you do for you next act?

10,000 hours

Of course we can't really do a new act and expect to get great at it.  After all, hasn't Malcom Gladwell told us that it takes 10,000 hours to get to to mastery in a field, almost any field?  In his book Outliers he details that Gates had 10,000 hours at the computer before he was fourteen years old.

So that's it then - I must simply must never ever watch TV again or go to the movies because life is short and you still don’t have your degree yet and dangit that’s not right.   No fun.  No donuts,  no singing to the music of life.

Lets take an example.

Meet Heather.  She wants a Masters degree, but she's got three kids and a husband that acts like one sometimes. Often women shoulder a disproportionate slice of the home chores despite working, and it turns out that Heather is wiped out.  She's a mom of three, a real estate agent and a career woman.  She’s worked hard her whole life. Her husband, Bart, is a brilliant musician and teacher, but doesn't make enough to support the family.

Heather goes and sells houses all day, then she comes home ,makes dinner or orders out. Then she tries to spend some time with her teenage girl Brittany who just turned fourteen and has the accompanying attitude of a new teen. And yet her girl is so special - a real math wiz, and a sweet girl - that Heather wants to be around her all the time.

Her son, William, is eleven and a little athlete - heather wants to spend time with him before he hits that teenager stage and gets too busy with his friends.  Heather's youngest daughter, Heidi, has shown an amazing musical talent at piano at seven years old, and is taking lessons an hour away at the local college.  Guess who takes her most of the time?

Bart is out playing gigs often, and isn't around.

Heather wants to get a teaching degree in English. A masters degree would allow her to apply at the local community colleges , earn more than she is in this up-and-down real estate market, and have her  weekends and summers with her children.  As an added plus she adores both books and kids, so it'd be perfect.

But the test is hard, and a ton of work.

She has to organize her life, so she runs out to the local Office Max and buys the fanciest day planner you have ever seen.  Pouches for papers, calendars for the next ten years, and every day broken down into 30 minute chunks of Super Awesome Productivity.

Heather carefully maps out her schedule, planing every second of her next two weeks.

But then Bart gets an extra gig in Portland, which is good news.  Its extra money that they could surely use.  But Portland is three hours from their house in Seattle, and...well, he's going to stay over.
Who's going to take Brittany to her friends birthday party?  Or go to Heidi's recital?  Those were my study times!

Heather laments this week, scratches all over her carefully planned week.

Then William gets the flu.  Not only can't she study, she can't even sell houses effectively.  She's behind at work, with a stack of emails waiting for her.  Commissions can't come in if she doesn't close these deals!


You can see where this is going.  Week after week after week pass by.  Heather becomes discouraged and drops out, or maybe she's just miserable.

There isn't any singing in her life, not really.  She's just going to have to deal with the as is.

~~~

That brings me back to my original point.  Life is complex.  We must not only pursue our goals, but we must try to enjoy the process while we do it.

The LifeSparc system was created to help, to provide a framework, a mental model to assess life, sort the goals against your life and real action, review and reflect with people you trust, so you stay engaged.

These things we want to do are in what I call The Mud.  They're stuck in a big old pit of mud, and you can see the brass ring. You keep reaching in and grabbing things out, but not what you want.

Accomplishment is not about passion.  Accomplishment isn't even knowing what to do. Heather has passion and she knows what to do. Its taking action without getting discouraged  that is the key.


In the next edition of the LifeSparc blog, I'll be discussing exactly how.